


mysterious as the dark side of hankyung's lovely, lovely moon

by aroceu



Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: Crack, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, M/M, Mulan (1998) References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-22
Updated: 2011-02-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 21:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/300458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroceu/pseuds/aroceu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heechul tries to teach Hankyung how to be a man. Siwon has his shirt off (a lot). And Zhou Mi... is nowhere to be found. Kind of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	mysterious as the dark side of hankyung's lovely, lovely moon

After Hankyung decided that he couldn't let his father go into war with the Huns because his mother needed help managing their family dumpling shop, he decided to go to war for him. It only took a few modifications, the addition a small wig to his head and a suit of armor to wear for him to decide that he could pass as a soldier.

However, his only problem was that how could he convince all the army men that he was his  _father_ ? He wasn't very manly, for starters. He took ballet classes back at the village. The only skill he had (well aside from his martial arts skills but those weren't very important) was learning how to dance delicately. So it would be hard for a young man to pass as a forty-something year old man... at least, in Hankyung's case.

As he pondered on this fact on his way towards the army camp, his path was suddenly interrupted when a large flame burst out of nowhere onto a large rock and a big shadow appeared.

"I HAVE COME FROM YOUR ANCESTORS!" said a loud, perhaps amplified voice. "TO COME GUIDE YOU AND PROTECT YOU AS YOU GO INTO WAR!"

Hankyung backed up. "W-Who are you?" he said, terrified.

"I AM HEECHUL!" shouted the voice. 

Hankyung looked around the rock to where the voice seemed to be coming from, and saw a small red creature standing behind it. He had small golden whiskers coming out from his nose, and a long slender tail.

"Um," he said.

There was also a blue cricket with this red dragon. The cricket was holding up a fan and looked half annoyed, half amused, and then fully amused when he looked up to see Hankyung staring down at them.

"You're awfully small for a dragon," Hankyung said without a moment's hesitation.

"You-You aren't supposed to see this!" Heechul said, waving his hands--hands?--around. "I am Heechul! Sent by your ancestors to protect you!"

"How is such a small dragon like you supposed to protect me?" Hankyung said, and as Heechul grumbled obscenities under his breath, he turned to the cricket. "And who's this?"

"Oh, that's Zhou Mi," Heechul said, waving the cricket aside. "He's supposed to be lucky but so far he's been no good other than seeming like potential food."

Zhou Mi squeaked indignantly, but Hankyung paid him no matter. "Anyways," he said, bending down to look the lizard in the face. "How exactly are you supposed to protect me or whatever?"

"Well what do you need help with?" asked Heechul, sharpening his nails with a nearby rock.

"I... I need help on being manly."

"Hah! Manly. I can help you with that," said Heechul smugly.

"Really?" Hankyung blinked. "But you don't really look like a manly dragon to me."

\--

A bit after Heechul's morale was lowered a bit more and Hankyung was barely helped at all, he decided that he could go into camp. After all, what was the worst thing that could possibly happen?

He ended up running into a man who seemed rather young there, who ran into a shorter boy, who ran into a third man, and sent the entire army into a ruckus. After attempting to fight them all off with his sort of useless martial arts skills, they were finally stopped when the army of the camp yelled at them.

"Who is causing all the noise here?" he boomed. Hankyung and every other soldier turned their heads to see a handsome man emerge from his tent.

Everyone pointed to Hankyung.

"I, uh..." Hankyung attempted to start as the captain marched over toward him.

"I will not tolerate any funny business around here, do you hear me!" the captain shouted at him.

"That's a fine man you got there going for you," Heechul whispered to Hankyung from the back of his shirt. Hankyung shushed to him before nodding toward the captain, a bit frightened.

\--

The next morning Hankyung arrived a bit late at camp, though no one seemed to care too much to notice. The men he had pushed over the precious day eyed him carefully, though.

They started training soon enough, much to Heechul's dismay (who wanted to teach Hankyung a series of what he considered "fighting moves" for him to show off to the other men, though Hankyung mostly saw it was dancing--fail dancing at that, too.) The captain, whose name apparently was Siwon, assembled them together before taking off his shirt.

Hankyung was glad to see that he wasn't the only one staring as Siwon paced back and forth among them, completely half naked. No one was really paying attention to what Siwon was saying too, until Siwon suddenly fired an arrow at the top of a nearby wooden pole.

"It is your goal," he said to them, "to get that arrow. Along with these two medals." He held up two large gold disks, with a ribbon attached to each. "Would anyone like to volunteer?"

Hankyung and all the other men stepped backwards except for a man whom Hankyung recognized to be one of the first men to fall down from yesterday. He seemed far too busy in his own world to still be paying attention to what Siwon was saying.

"Donghae!" Siwon suddenly said, snapping the man out of his daze. "Thank you for volunteering!"

"Huh- Wha?" Donghae swiveled around and turned to Siwon. "What?"

"You must get to the top of that pole and get that arrow using only these two medals," Siwon said, handing them to him.

"Only these two?" Donghae looked down at the medals in his hand. "Can I use like, other sticks or something?"

"No."

"How about a tent cloth? Can I use a tent cloth?"

"No."

"What about some grass? Ooh, I could make a large long string of grass and get up there!"

"No."

"Hair? Can I use my own hair to get up there? I heard that there was this really cool braid trick you could do to get up to high places--or was it down from high places, I can't forget--"

"No."

\--

"I really can't ask for someone to help me up there?" Ryeowook pleaded to Siwon. "Really, I'm far too short to try to climb up  _anything_  and I don't see how these medals will help--"

"Only the medals," Siwon said curtly.

\--

Henry stood there and stared up at the large wooden pole. "You know I could make a violin out of that thing," he said thoughtfully.

"What?"

"Nothing."

\--

Hankyung, however, had no protests to try to reach the arrow when he was asked. Of course he had no idea how he could get up there, plus he had no clue as to how the medals would help him at all. He fastened them around his wrists and tried and tried and tried to get up the pole, but he could get nowhere. Eventually he slipped and slowly sank down to the bottom--though on his way down his pants ended up slipping off.

All the other men laughed and Hankyung quickly rushed and fell down with a small, "Oof!" Embarrassedly, he turned around to see Siwon glaring at him, a hand over his nose.

"I'm fine," Siwon was saying to a general who had asked him if he was okay. "Just a little nosebleed, that's all. Hankyung, you might-- you don't have to try anymore. Next!"

\--

It took a great deal of practice for teamwork, strength and honor and all that other Asian whatnot (plus an excellent musical number where Siwon's shirt was off more than half the time) before Hankyung finally found a way to get the arrow down from atop the large wooden pole a few weeks later. Through a mixture of his proven-to-be-not-completely-useless martial arts skills as well as his dainty ballerina moves, he climbed all the way to the top and chucked the arrow down, before clambering back to the ground.

He later met up with Heechul (who had seen the whole thing, and admitted once again that Siwon's chest wasn't too bad to look at, though his vocal skills could improve--not that Heechul was particularly good in that area) in the evening. Heechul scrambled off the rock he had been sunbathing on to pat a sweating Hankyung on the back.

"Good job!" he said. "You deserve a bath, don't you?"

"I do," Hankyung groaned, sprawling on the ground. "Let me rest for a moment though, will you?"

"No! It's time for you to get naked and hop into that pond! Go on now!" 

Heechul attempted to shove Hankyung to the nearby pond with his tiny hands, though Hankyung barely budged at all. Still, Hankyung gave in and stood up, before stripping and wading into the water.

"Mmhm. Now there's a real man for you," Heechul said, admiring Hankyung's backside and turning to Zhou Mi who was on a leaf next to him. "Don't you think?"

Zhou Mi chirped indignantly (once again) before hopping into the forest to do whatever business he had to do.

"Whatever," Heechul muttered to himself. "Kind of makes me wish I was a human. But  _no_ , I'm just an ugly old dragon--well, a pretty one at that, but I'm still just a--hey!"

He was cut off when a group of three men ran past him and into the water, accidentally splashing him. Heechul sputtered off at them but they didn't seem to notice; instead, they ran over toward Hankyung who was busy washing himself off.

"I swear, army's the gayest place for men," Heechul muttered to himself, walking away.

\--

Later in the evening, Heechul and Zhou Mi (who had come back from his ~mysterious forest adventures~), after hearing Siwon being profusely yelled at for being a bad captain (though he really wasn't: he had the buff body and being a faithful servant to God down pat, he just needed to work on his singing a little bit) decide to mess around a little bit with the army's placing.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Zhou Mi seemed to squeak as Heechul rustled around with the paper and ink.

"Oh please. All my ideas are good ideas." Heechul waved him aside. "Come on, write a letter to the general so that these men can go out front. I don't want to see my little Hannie go out training for nothing."

"You sound like a mother," Zhou Mi chirped meaningfully.

"Mother? Do you see tits on me? I am a dragon! I have no children! Hankyung's just a very special friend of mine! Sort of like a pet, only not."

\--

So after a few modifications, it was soon learned that Hankyung and the rest of the men were to go to the front line of the battle. They started making their way out of camp (after Hankyung had cooked them some rather delicious xiao long bao, which Siwon apparently fell in love with) in generally high spirits.

"We should sing about girls!" Henry suggested suddenly.

"What kind of girls?" Donghae asked.

"Girls with pretty faces?"

"Girls with hot bodies!"

"Girls with big eyes!"

"Girls with soft hair!"

"Girls with long legs!"

"Girls with nice ankles!"

"Girls who'll listen to me play violin!"

"Girls who understand me!"

"I like guys," Hankyung muttered to himself.

Ryeowook patted him on the back. "It's okay. I do too."

\--

On their way to the main battle, they were cut off by a herd of men from the other side, who moved so quickly that they ended up surrounding Siwon's troops.

"Puahaha!" they cackled. "We've got you now!"

"What should we do?" Siwon asked helplessly, staring to the sky. "Please, God, send us a sign!"

"I've got an idea!" Hankyung exclaimed. "We could sing another musical number and dance our way out!"

Donghae seemed pretty up to it, but Siwon frowned and shook his head. "No. We need some way to get these men out of the way..."

"We could just kick their asses," Henry suggested.

"We're not  _that_  badass to do that," Donghae pointed out. "I mean, you might be, Henry, but the rest of us? I don't think we could handle it."

"We could give up and cook for them," Ryeowook said feebly.

"We're not  _women_ , Ryeowook," said Siwon. "We're men. Or did you not learn anything from that song?"

"Oh, right." Ryeowook hung his head.

\--

They ended up blasting a rocket to the top of the mountain in front of them, causing an avalanche and running all the Huns down. However, it knocked Hankyung out too, and the next thing he knew, he was in a dark tent where a shirtless Siwon was glaring down at him.

"What are you-- oh," Hankyung said as he felt the top of his head, where his toupee no longer was. "Damn."

\--

So after getting kicked out of the army, when Donghae, Henry and Ryeowook bid him a sad farewell, Hankyung was left out in the cold with his horse and Heechul, who was busy muttering how one very attractive man shouldn't leave another attractive man.

"It's just not  _right_ , you know?" he said mindlessly as he paced back and forth. "This is just like a drama. Ugh. Where's Zhou Mi when you need him?"

"What am I supposed to do now?" Hankyung asked him.

"First of all, you should should probably find some pants," Heechul asked, looking down at Hankyung's legs. "Second of all, it seems like the Huns didn't really die from that avalanche from where I can see, so you might want to do something about that too."

\--

Hankyung made his way into the village where everyone seemed to be celebrating the alleged defeat of the Huns. He ran up to Siwon on his horse, trying to stop them.

"The Huns!" he said to him. "The Huns, they're not dead, they-they're back--"

"What are you doing here Hankyung?" Siwon said, before turning and walking away. Hankyung sighed and stared down at his hands.

"It's okay, Hankyung!"

He turned around suddenly to see three women--wait,  _women_ ?--clad in colorful robes and with makeup on. However, when he looked closer, he realized they were actually men. Very familiar men.

"We'll help you stop the Huns!" said Henry.

"Yah!" cheered Donghae.

"This dress is too long on me," complained Ryeowook.

\--

They ran around and eventually captured all of the Huns, and after Siwon had seen them, he helped beat them up too. Hankyung ended up defeating the last one, and then was proclaimed a true warrior. Afterwards, he went home.

Siwon ran up after him. "Um," he said nervously. "I think you make a great warrior. And, er. You kind of left your helmet behind."

"Oh." Hankyung giggled like a little girl.

"I, um. I was wondering if I could walk home with you?" Siwon asked him.

"I'd love for you to." Hankyung beamed. The two men started walking away.

"Ah, blissful matrimony," Heechul said, wiping a tear from his eye. "If only I was a human and could join them."

"It's better if you find one of your own kind," Zhou Mi said, hopping out of nowhere with a cricket next to him. "Like how I found Kyuhyun here."

Kyuhyun nuzzled Zhou Mi's antennae.

Heechul blew fire at the both of them.

**Author's Note:**

> No room for Hyukmin in dis :(


End file.
